In Like Quinn
by kallmered
Summary: Harley was a normal girl; never done a thing wrong. At least, that's what she told herself. Doesn't having an leathal criminal as your lover count as normal? She looked up then and saw his grotesque, beautiful grin hanging upside down on tv...She bolted.


_**Hello! Please enjoy and review!**_

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In Like Quinn

It wasn't often that Harley was able to leave the hideout without getting followed by some of her man's damn goonies trailing behind, with or without her permission.

And yes, the Joker _was_ her man. Whether he said so or not, which he sometimes did and sometimes denied. No matter what he actually said, they both knew he was her man and she was his woman.

Harley frowned and shouldered her bag with disdain.

Well she wasn't willing to say he was her man at the moment. He had hit her again, and only because she asked to follow along on another of his jobs. She asked the question every night and he had always grinned at her with some sort of amusement.

But tonight...for some reason he had turned around with a look in his eye that had her stepping back.

He'd slapped her hard, causing her to jerk back into the counter. "Shit!" she'd snapped and grabbed at her lower spine. Another physical therapy appointment for her...

"Stay here Harley. I mean it." he growled and waved his hands erratically at his goons before they were all gone.

And that was how she had so easily left the warehouse on the docks and walked towards the city to think.

She had once been a criminal psychologist, just barely in the field, before he crashed through her office late one night trying to escape the cops in the building she worked in. Needless to say, she had dropped what she was doing before she picked up her letter opener and threw it at him.

They hit it off, quite literally. They fought tooth and nail as he dragged her out of the building at knife point and held her as his first unofficial hostage to escape the fuzz surrounding the building. But he ended up not even putting her ransom out once they got back to the warehouse that he called home. He ended up keeping her in his hideout. For good feng shui he told her with a laugh.

But they ended up being compatible...in bed more than anything. And he did keep her happy when he wasn't being...well, a psycho.

Harley had found him to have a decent sense of humor, when it was normal, and he was semi-romantic when he brought home blood-coated roses and chocolates with bullet holes in the box. Or, her favorite, a piece of priceless jewelry he tossed to her on the bed when he got home. It wasn't the gifts, it was the idea that he'd thought of her- she hoped- and he didn't bat an eye when he tossed a million dollar diamond necklace across the room.

How sweet.

But Harley knew he was worried tonight when he slapped her for a simple, everyday question. He knew something was going to happen during his job and she knew it had to do with the Batman.

Harley was walking by a pawn shop, her hand on the gun in her bag, when she spotted the evening news on the many different televisions for sale.

She loved the Gotham news with so much crime and problems, and she often looked for Jay and his escapades; he was like a celebrity.

But what flashed across the screens made her blood run cold.

Joker was swinging back and forth, stories upon stories above the ground, laughing with seeming delight as he swung a knife at the swat team trying to get him out of the air and into custody. Harley kept watching and found out that the footage was from hours before. J had been in jail for hours.

She turned back and faced where she had come from. Harley had none of the clowns who worked for her man, no one to help her get Joker out of jail and into her arms once more.

She had been a simple, boring civilian, now the girlfriend of a known criminal. Who was _she_ to go against the Gotham police? She'd never even used the gun that J gave her! The one he'd had specially made and taught her personally how to use.

What could she possibly do to free her puddin'!? Waltz right into the Gotham police department like she owned it and have him released on a plea?

Harley stopped walking abruptly, causing some street urchin to spray her with curses when he had to hop back, barely missing plowing her down. "Stupid cunt! Warn a guy when you decide to stop walkin' would ya?"

But she could have been deaf for all the attention she paid the man. Her brain was moving in a frenzy. Plans forming, ideas blossoming into something gorgeous!

Harley ripped her cell from her purse and dialed while she ran back towards the warehouse in a full on sprint. "Pamela! Please tell me you still have this guy who can make official documents?"

"Yeah, but you sound funny Harley. Something wrong?" the woman asked.

"Well, I was just thinking about jumping back into the criminal justice system again. You know, like...tomorrow."

ooo

Joker sat in the interrogation room of the Gotham Police department; again. This time the hand cuffs were staying.

He frowned suddenly, ignoring the nasty black coffee that was so curiously placed before him.

"Something the matter, Joker?" Gordon asked from across the table.

The Joker ignored the man and continued to indulge himself in thoughts of Harley's safety. He never really had a plan, not like the first time he'd escaped. He knew that Harley would always be safe when he was gone, cause he _always_ threatened his goons within an inch of their lives if any harm were to come upon her.

But he'd needed all of the clowns for this big job, with the boats and the hostages. He had had a weird feeling about the whole thing, but he couldn't have imagined that the Gotham swat team would catch most of his goons. Or that the Batman would leave him hanging.

He suddenly barked out with laughter, causing Gordon to jerk with surprise. But still, Harley wasn't supposed to be left alone for long. How was she going to take care of herself in that dark warehouse on the docks? She had nothing to do, wasn't sure if she even had anything to eat. Sure he would have left one of his new pet rotties with her, but he didn't know if they would be nice to her when he was gone. They would protect the warehouse though.

But, he had to admit, it was only too worth it to watch Bats wrassle with 'em.

The Joker snickered again and shook his head, nudging the coffee cup away with his index fingers. He'd remind himself to find out where the dogs went to. One could take care of Harley when he left and the other two could tackle Bats.

But back to Harley...what was he thinking again? Oh yeah, she was not strong enough to take care of herself in the big bad world. She sure thought she was...but that was why he never brought her with on his jobs. Cause she was just eye candy, and he fucking loved candy.

And that was as close as he was ever going to get putting the L word in the same sentence as one with Harley's name. He just couldn't trust himself not to immediately set out to kill her if he admitted his feelings for her; he often reacted with violence when he realized how huge his weakness was.

"Joker, they're bringing in a psych for you." Gordon was saying. "Just some doctor who doesn't know about what you've done."

"Come on Gordon." Joker said. "Of course they know something about me...who doesn't?"

The commissioner conceded that thought. "At least, they only know what they've read in the papers. They've just jumped back into the seat here in Gotham."

"Hmm." the scarred man smacked his lips in thought and narrowed his eyes. "I hope you're right, for their sake. Because I won't go easy on 'em."

"I don't imagine that they will scare easily." Gordon said, clearly becoming miffed. "Their resume is impeccable. You'll have a lot of problems if you bother this person."

A knock sounded on the door and Gordon rose to go to it. It opened to a few uniformed officers surrounding a clearly petite woman. She was turned away from the Joker, so he couldn't see who it was. But he didn't really care, he was looking for any jewelry on the woman.

Earrings to jab in her eyes, a brooch to jab in her throat, a necklace to strangle her with...

Then she turned and his dark eyes locked onto icy blue. Her swift but discreet smirk said she was happy to see him and _he_ was only too happy to watch her move in the tight pin-stripe skirt and black button-up blouse. She was a knockout.

"Commissioner Gordon." she said and held her hand out as the older man extended his own.

"Dr. Quinzel, thank you for coming so early this morning. You being here will help the case in bringing the Joker exactly what he deserves. Life."

Harley suppressed the demon rising in her throat at the man's words but she plastered a seemingly genuine smile on her face and nodded, waving her hand in the air. "It's nothing. As long as I have my coffee, I'm fine."

"Well, thank you again. We'll be just outside the door."

"I must remind you, Commissioner," she said as the police turned to leave. "Though my client is a convicted criminal, of the highest degree, he is still a patient and as such has the right to privacy. You are not permitted to listen nor will you watch behind the glass."

"Ah," Gordon was hoping she might have forgotten because she looked like a tiny, sweet little woman. But it was obvious she was a viper when she became protective of a patient. "Well, I suppose that is the law. I won't be breaking it. Out boys, and make sure no one is in the listening room. I want only to officers posted outside the door."

"Commissioner," she said and glanced back at the Joker anxiously, "I'll be sure to slip you any notes that I deem important for the case."

His look of relief made Harley feel just a little bit bad. "Thank you, Dr. Quinzel." he said, and left.

The bang of the metal door shutting was prevalent and sent a little thrill up Harley's spine. She spun around expertly on her heels and looked right at the Joker. She drank in his vintage purple vest and the shiny green suspenders that peaked out from under it. His light shirt laid was no longer hand pressed, her own handiwork, but was wrinkled and sweated on.

"Hello." he hissed lowly and she immediately narrowed her eyes, suddenly remembering his words, telling her to stay at home. She let out her breath and mentally shrugged before smiling for him.

"Thats my girl," she heard him say lowly.

"Joker, how are you being treated here?" she asked loudly, just in case Gordon was still emptying the room beyond the glass of his employees.

"Well, their coffee tastes like mud but otherwise they've been very...accommodating."

"Good," she said as she sat down. "Missed you puddin'." she whispered, then her eyes became cold. "But not the slap."

He visibly winced. "Harl, I was protecting you. The boys should have come home by now..." he trailed off. "So why aren't you there?"

"Don't get off subject, J." she hissed back

"Come one, baby, I just wanted to stress how badly you needed to stay there. For safety reasons." he said, looking innocent and loving.

"All of them were arrested." she countered, speaking of his goonies. "And anyway, you knew you weren't coming back."

"Noo, no, _no_." he said, eyes open and watching her through the smeared black paint. "Harley I didn't know when I would be back, but I knew I'd get out."

"You weren't ready to be arrested like last time." she said, placing her pretty hands on the table.

"I know that, honey bun." he said, becoming annoyed with her questions.

"Well," she said, leaning back and crossing her arms under breasts, effectively lifting them for his appeal. "I suppose that's far enough. When did you want to go?"

"Hmm," he growled. "If you grabbed the key," he jangled the handcuffs, "Then maybe we can play good cop bad cop before we go. After all, we got our own little interrogation room."

"As much as I'd love for you to..._interrogate_ me, J," she smiled in the way that always made him shiver with anticipation. "I wanna go home and have our overdue _fun_."

The Joker sighed, theatrically, and shrugged. "Would have been nice to break in this table, but whatever you want, doll."

"I knew you'd understand." Harley said and jumped to her feet. "I brought my gun. I know it's too small for you, but..." She undid the top buttons on her blouse, giving him a view of her cleavage and the butt of her pearl-handled Taurus-85 that he'd gotten for her. "It's warm." she finished as she passed it to him over the table.

"_Ooh_," he growled, "It is."

She smiled, watching his hand dwarf the tiny gun as she handed over the key to his cuffs. "I bumped into Gordon on the way in, so I grabbed em for ya."

"You've always been my best hostage," Joker said as he unlocked his cuffs and came around thetable to grab her up in his arms. "Lets make this good, doll." he said and pulled another button of her top, exposing the black lace of her lingerie just before he leaned in to kiss her.

ooo

Gordon was typing up a report, unable to concentrate on it, when the glass double doors that led to the interrogation room burst open. He jerked up and looked over, his mouth dropping open at the sight of the Joker and the small psychologist shaking in his arms, the barrel of a gun jammed against her head. The sight of tears rolling down her face had Gordon's stomach twisting with disgust and guilt; she looked like she'd been assaulted. For gods sake she had the Jokers face paint staining her lips; even traces of it on her collorbone.

"Don't stop working because of little old me!" the Joker sang as he dragged the light woman across the floor, officers scrambling to get out his way just in case he decided to redecorate with the doctor's pretty head.

"I think you all know the drill...no one follows or her smart little brain goes boom." the Joker said, "Now, Gordon, it's been fun. But I gotta run. Ha!"

Quinzel screamed as the man kicked open the front door and dragged her out of the police department.

Gordon slammed his hands onto his face and whipped them downwards. "We're gonna give him two minutes before we go after him," he said, walking towards his speechless officers. "Make sure you have ammo, now move!"

ooo

The car they'd stolen from a passerby roared as they sped, windows down and hair mussed from the cold night air. Their laughter was glorious.

"Harley," he said after they both quited down. "I guess you can, ah, come along on the job once in a while."

"You mean that, puddin'? she asked and scooted across the leather seat.

"I do...but I _mean_ once in a while."

"Fine by me," she purred as he pulled her closer, her skirt hiked up and her slim leg slid over his. Her loose shirt was exposing her pale breasts to him, perched to the right of his face.

"Harley," he growled. "You're playing with fire. I won't hesitate to jump on you and flip this car over in the process."

She bit her lip and playfully backed off, only to stretch out a bit and unzip his pants. "Ooh..." his deep rumble rolled over her back and she looked up at him with her big blue eyes. "That's what I was hoping you'd do, sweetheart."

She felt one of his hands run over her back and up over her finely rounded backside. "Missed you, J." she whispered, her warm breath drifting over the impressive boner tenting his pants.

"You really need to learn how to live without me, Harls. You never know when I'll leave." He hissed as she pulled his sizable erection from his pants.

"How are _you_ going to live without such perks as these?" she countered.

He couldn't reply fast enough before she dropped her warm, sinful mouth over his cock, bobbing her head lovingly. His free hand snatched a handful of her pale hair and he drove her faster. "Fuck, Harley!" he snarled and sped the car behind their warehouse, facing the water before throwing it into park.

She felt his hands rip her shirt off her shoulders as he pulled her body up and plastered her upper body to his chest. He reached under her skirt and met moist flesh, his figers skimming the desire between her legs. His eyes rolled back and his head lolled as if he lost the strength to hold it up.

"Harley, you nymph. No panties?"

"I was hoping we'd get this chance." she breathed and grabbed his hair, yanking his lips to her own. They met and immediately kissed with frenzy, biting and sucking roughly.

"I didn't know where you were." she murmured between breathes.

"I would have found a way to tell you." he snarled as his fingers plunged into her core, pumping fast. Her shout rang in his ears, but he embraced all the feelings that swarmed him.

"Ah, J...you know how impatient I can get though." she could barely finish her sentence as he pleasured her roughly, yet perfectly. She was too close...

"I would have had to resort to mr. bunny if I had waited much longer." she purred in his ear, knowing he knew she was talking about her trusty vibrator.

He bit her neck and suddenly plunged his cock into her core, thrusting fast and hard enough to cross her eyes and steal her thoughts. "Who would you rather have...mr. bunny or Mr. J?"

"Aah! Always you, always." She gasped when he bucked up roughly and grasped her breasts through her bra.

His energy always amazed her. He'd been up for at least forty-eight hours straight, but he didn't seem at all tired as they fucked like rabbits in the front seat of the luxury car they'd stolen from some blue-collar.

Just when he began to get too rough, he became calm and ran his hands over the hickeys and bites he had given her. His calloused hands were like heaven, and his scarred lips ran over her neck, sending little shivers of lust through her veins.

"M-more..." she moaned, her nails running over his shoulder through his shirt, gently.

He lifted his hips suddenly, dropped his seat back and she gasped, laughing at the sudden drop. Joker was smiling when he flipped her over and gained the top. "Fun, huh, Harley."

She looked up at him through the dark cab of the car, the lights on the dash illuminating her expressive eyes. It was too much for the Joker- having her look so in love- so he ran his hands up over her sides before gripping her hips and plunged in.

"Harley, tell me something." he growled, lowering himself to an elbow on her right side.

"Mmm...what is it?" she moaned and thrust against him, in perfect sync with his rhythm.

"Why do you love me?" he groaned, loosing his concentration on _not_ starting up his violent side.

Instead of answering him, Harley pulled his face to hers and kissed him roughly, raking her nails down the skin of his back through his shirt. "Just shut up and fuck me." she snarled and he responded immediately.

He already knew what her answer was, she expressed it instead of risking a slap for saying she loved him. He knew she did. But she realized he liked her to show him her love; the vicious, caring, unconditional love that she held.

He would never say the words to her, unless he was going to kill her or she was dying, and maybe not even then. He was himself, the Joker. He was not existing to make another persons life better, let alone more enjoyable.

But Harley knew these things...she didn't need words.

Joker grunted suddenly as his woman stiffened against her oncoming orgasm, her cry filling his ears roughly. He jerked as his cock poured his seed within her, briefly remembering they weren't using protection and he didn't ask her if she'd gotten more birth control.

_Who gives a flying shit in hell..._

The Joker felt her laugh once and wrap her arms around his shoulders, kissing his scars. "Mm...I wish I could say the words."

"Me too." he said and hugged her back in a quick, jerky embrace, before opening the car door and jumping out with energy returned. "The test drive was nice, but I don't think mid-size sedan is our type hon." he said in a silly voice as he tucked his still unsatisfied cock in his pants.

Harley looked up at him from buttoning her shirt and laughed. "I don't think so either, baby. The stick was poking into my back eariler."

"Hmm, can't have that in a car can we. We need room to screw around with." he said, seeming to contemplate the idea. "Wanna burn it?"

"You read my mind puddin'."

"Then maybe tomorrow when I get some more goons, we can go- ah- car shopping."

Harley busted out laughing as she stood, falling into Joker's side, as she wiped away tears. "I'm sure they'd love to 'sell' you a car. Especially when you walk into the dealership in full gear." she said, gesturing to his make-up and purple suit.

"Sounds like a date, doll." he said and lifted her into his arms, feeling gracious with is affection for some reason. "How about in the mean time, we go up to the bedroom and do the horizontal tango?"

Harley smiled at him softly and nodded. "Just glad you're home, J."

..................................

_**Hi everyone! I wrote this cause I just like seeing the couple at slightly different angles. Please review and let me know if you liked it!**_


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